When love does not endure, the inevitable question arises: Is it time to break up? In the United States the divorce rate tells us that about 50% of all married couples at some point do untie the knot. But as anyone who's ever done it knows, breaking up really is hard to do, which is why so many people lie, cheat, and suffer to avoid it. The Normal Bar confirms this, showing that a quarter of partners are anywhere from unhappy to extremely unhappy in their relationships, yet they continue year after year, telling themselves, "This is as good as I'm going to get," or "This is just the way it is." These people may be unhappier than they need to be, since even a devitalized or disappointing relationship can be made better—a lot better.
Happiness is not just a matter of luck. It requires desire and careful tending. The Normal Bar shows that happy couples nurture each other, communicate well, and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy. Sure, there are times when relationships are hard work, but that "work" pays off! Even the smallest of acts and words that foster and maintain intimacy can turn a relationship around. But both partners need to want to create or restore happiness and be willing to redirect their time and energy toward pleasing and understanding each other. When one or both partners refuse to participate in this revitalization process, breaking up may seem like the only way to create a new and better normal.
Who contemplates breaking up more, men or women?
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